That's What Friends Are For
by Gloria Lisa Stelly
Summary: They say a picture is worth a thousand words. One look at a recent picture of Garrison immediately drives Lucy Punchalower and Theodore Bartholomew into an adventure they would never have dreamed of.
1. Mark Zuckerberg vs Stephenie Meyer

"What are you doing here?" Lulu Punchalower demanded, narrowing her eyes at the boy in front of her. "Can't you see I'm busy? Look, I know we don't live_ too_ far from each other, but that doesn't mean you can show up at my door at nearly twelve in the morning!" One second she was happily making fun of some stupid movie, and the next thing she knew some bumbling idiot continuously pressed the doorbell as if it would suddenly make Twinkies rain down from the sky.

"But, Lulu!" Theo Bartholomew whined, stomping one foot like a five-year-old. "You said I could spend the night today!"

"I was kidding!" she cried exasperatedly, throwing her hands up in defense. She peaked at her driveway, noticing no other cars except her mother's and father's. "How did you get here?" the strawberry blonde asked in confusion.

The young man with glasses shuffled his foot back and forth. "I used all my savings to pay for a taxi just to get here," he said quietly, looking like a lost, abandoned puppy. "I missed you, Lulu."

"Yeah, whatever, you can sleep on the door mat tonight, if you want," was all she replied before slamming the door on his face. Theo's eyes grew sad, and he squatted down to get comfortable on the prickly mat under him.

Inside the Punchalower home, the pajama-clad girl turned to walk away from the door. After a few steps, she froze and sighed. "Stupid guilt and all its stupidness," she muttered before throwing the door open once again. "Get in. Now," Lulu commanded, using her other hand to point directly inside the house. Theo immediately looked up and crawled inside hurriedly before she shut and locked the front door.

"Oh, thank you, sweet Lulu," he breathed out, collapsing on the shiny, waxed floor. "For a minute, I thought I was going to die out there. Like _literally_ die. Don't you guys have bears around here some-?"

"Look, just shut your face, alright?" she interrupted, throwing him a pillow and the blanket she had been using. Lulu paused the movie she had been commentating on and turned to face the now-standing Theo. "Alright, let's get a few things clear. You are sleeping on the couch tonight. You are not to go anywhere else in this house or else I will personally see that you aren't fed in the morning."

"But what if I have to take a pee?" he squeaked out.

"If your bottom or any other of your man parts touches my toilet, I keep you locked in my basement," Lulu threatened, arms crossed meaning business.

"Right," he murmured, making a mental note not to eat or drink anything for the night. "Ooh, what are you watching there, Lu?" he asked, looking at the paused screen of endless evergreen trees.

"Don't call me that," the freckle-faced girl snapped. "And it's nothing. It's just some vampire movie that my mother got me for Christmas."

At this, Theo's head turned to face Lulu once more, looking interested. "This movie just doesn't so happen to be…Twilight, does it?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Why do you ask, Theo?"

"Because," he started softly. "It's….THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! MOVE!" The boy gently shoved Lulu back on the couch and snatched the remote, pressing play. "Finally…I can watch without being made fun of."

The fifteen-year-old gave him an incredulous look, wondering if he had forgotten she was here. She shook her head and muttered, "Whatever." Lulu reached over the arm of the couch to get her red laptop, deciding she'd rather check something like Facebook then watch some fairy princess sparkly in the sunlight.

"Is that supposed to be a…duck face?" she murmured, squinting her eyes as if she couldn't trust her own sight. How long was she gone from this place? She had made her account two years ago. Last time she checked it was...two years ago. "Alright, everyone's asking for a TBH….The hell is a TBH?"

"To be honest, Lulu. Duh," Theo replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, not looking away from the television screen.

Lulu lifted her head, staring at the wall ahead of her. "I have just witnessed the largest gathering of idiots I have ever seen in my entire life. Ever." As she scrolled down, one picture caught her eye. It was of Garrison, the happy chap from Miami or Minnesota or whatever.

"Theo, pause the movie," she spoke with deadly calmness in her voice.

"But I'm watching-!" he began to protest.

"NOW!" she screeched, loud enough to wake her parents and younger brother; prompting Theodore to stop the movie. "Come here…and take a look at this."

"_And?_" he questioned with a raised eyebrow. "I just see Garrison, and—Oh, mother of cheese, someone's not going to be happy about this…"

"What do we do?" Lulu asked in a quiet voice, turning to look at him.

"Call her?" he suggested.

"Nah, not now…Not yet, at least. We'll give it a bit more time," Lulu mused out loud. "Don't want to jump to conclusions…"

"What do we do then?"

The strawberry blonde looked thoughtful for a moment. What should they do?

"Does she have a Facebook yet?"

"No, parents are still firm on the matter," he answered.

"Good…Hey, Theo?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"How good are you at counting money?"

"Well, one year in second grade I counted—"

"Yeah, tell me that story later," Lulu said with a slight smirk. "You are going to count my money in the morning, got that?"

"Something about your face makes me think I'm going to regret this…but, hey, what the heck? I'll do it."


	2. Jackie Chan vs Zayn Malik

"_Right now I'm looking at you, and I can't believe you don't know o-oh…YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUUULLLL_!" Theo sang along from the back seat of the cab.

"Shut up!" shouted the middle-aged, Japanese man driving the taxi. Lulu rolled her eyes. One hour in the back seat with the next winner of American Idol and Jackie Chan. Fantastic.

"Just turn off the radio," the strawberry-haired girl hissed, prompting the driver to bring the music to a stop. The slightly pudgy teen next to her, who was just in the middle of his Zayn Malik solo, frowned.

"Lucy Lillian Punchalower," he scolded, "how dare you turn off One Direction! Isn't that what you female type are into nowadays? Gosh…I was only trying to relate with you."

"No," Lulu countered with a glare, "that's just being stereotypical, Theo." She groaned and slammed her head against the back of the seat in front of her. "You know, this is why we never hang out."

Looking quite hurt, the boy decided to keep his mouth shut if at all possible.

"This far as I take you American children," the driver suddenly spoke, sounding annoyed. It was evident that he wanted to get rid of the two as soon as possible. "Now pay and get out of car."

"But we aren't even a mile from my house!" Lulu protested, looking back out the rear car window. She swore she could still see her house from this distance. "I demand you take us to the airport!"

"Fifty more dollas!" the driver challenged.

Theo rubbed his chin. "Seventy dollars!"

"THEO!" Lulu shouted exasperatedly.

"Eighty-five dollas!"

"Ninety!"

"Forget you all," the strawberry-haired girl muttered, exiting the taxi and dragging her duffel bag along.

"Lucy, wait!" Theo cried, hurriedly grabbing all five of his bags and getting off the vehicle. "Oh and here's for your services, mister," he added, throwing the Asian driver a ten dollar bill. "Ni hao…Kai Lan!" With that all said and done, the boy ran after his friend like a lost puppy.

"Looks like we're going to be going on foot, huh, Lulu?" he asked with a nervous laugh, finally catching up with the female.

"Honestly, I'm wondering why I'm even bothering with this idiotic trip," Lulu spat out. "You show up at my door in the dead of night, find that stupid picture, and then for some stupid reason I decided it'd be an amazing idea to go on an adventure to stop this madness as if it would create some fabulous story we could sell to the public."

"Actually, that's not a bad idea—I'll shut up now," he spoke, stopping only when Lulu gave him her usual withering stare. The teenage girl soon stopped in her tracks at the sight of a nearby bench. She sighed and took a seat, staring straight ahead of her.

"Alright, Theo, we need a plan…What the hell are we even doing?"

"Well," he started, "We were planning on paying Garrison a visit…Don't you think it'd be a good idea to consult this with your parents?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course I talked with them!"

* * *

"_Hey, Eloise," Lulu greeted her mother blandly as she walked in._

"_For the millionth time, Lucy, you are to call me mother dearest," the older woman said through clenched teeth and narrowed eyes. "I expect nothing less from you. You know your brother—"_

_The teen girl just rolled her eyes and tuned her out as she poured herself a glass of orange juice._

"—_and he actually has manners! Unlike you, young lady, you have no respect for your elders whatsoever!" Eloise continued on ranting even as she opened a nearby door and walked down the basement steps._

"_Hello, Mrs. Punchalower!" came Theo's friendly voice._

"_LULU!" came the adult's screech._

"_Here we go," the freckle-faced girl muttered, taking a seat at the table to await her moody mother. In a matter of seconds, Eloise had returned with a deadly calm look on her cold face. _

"_Explain to me," she began icily," why there is a small, fat child in our basement."_

_Lulu shrugged and replied, "How am I supposed to know? Anyways…what'd you do to him?"_

"_I accidentally…punched my fist…in his face," the older female answered indifferently. "Look, don't say a word to your father…or the police! Got that?"_

_The Punchalower child found it rather difficult to contain her amused smirk. "No promises…"_

"_Good," she continued on in a stiff voice. "Carry on. Your father and I will be tonight for a party. Andrew will be left at your grandmother's. I hardly trust you to take care of him on your own. You, on the other hand, will stay put tonight. Do I make myself clear?"_

"_Crystal clear, Mother Dearest," Lulu mocked with a salute, heading off before she could throw another hissy fit._

* * *

"Your mom can hit really hard," Theo spoke suddenly, snapping Lulu out of her reverie. He was currently rubbing his cheek tenderly. "Remind me to never surprise your parents."

"Sure, yeah, whatever," the Rhode Island native spoke distractedly, paying little attention to her companion. "Okay, Theo, what's the plan now?"

"Well, we start by hailing another taxi—"

"Not happening."

"Okay, okay!" Theo answered, holding his hands up. "Sorry for having ideas!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," she replied with an eye roll.

"Alright, that is enough!" Theo suddenly cried indignantly, standing on his feet. "I have finally had enough of your abuse, Lucy Punchalower! I constantly try to be nice to you! Instead, you always insult about my fatness or use domestic violence against me! I am done being the scared woman in this friendship marriage of ours! From now on, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!"

Lulu stared at him with a hanging mouth. In all honesty, she wasn't impressed with his tirade, but she was certainly shocked that he even said it.

_TO BASICALLY EVERYONE IN THIS GODFORSAKEN WORLD_.

Well, everyone walking right past them on the busy section of the town.

She watched as he made a pitiful attempt to glare at her, picked up his bags, and stalked away around a corner. The fruity-haired girl just shook her head and waited, tapping her foot.

Just as she prophesied, the chubby young man returned; a rather sad sight. No, literally, it was sad. Not the 'great, distressing feelings of emotion' sad. It was the 'OMG, YOU ARE A PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN' sad.

Theo shuffled back to his only real friend, dragging his many heavy travel bags behind him. He stopped in front of her, falling to his knees and hugging her legs.

"Oh, s-sweet, L-Lulu!" he stuttered through tears. "I-I'm s-sorry!"

"Theo," she hissed, awkwardly patting his head and cringing all the while. "You are causing a scene! Now shut up!"

"Y-You are so forgiving…" he whispered gratefully, wiping his face with the hem of shirt.

"For heaven's sake, Theo, just leave me alone," Lulu muttered, gently shoving him away.

The boy sniffled, smiling cheekily up at her. "As you wish, Miss Punchalower…By the way, do you think we could get that friendly Chinese guy to drive us to the airport again?"

"I dunno about that..." Lucy Lillian Punchalower suddenly smiled at her chum. "How about sticking to the bus, okay? The nearest bus stop is about a couple of blocks—"

"Too far!"

"—and I'm sure that'll be better for us." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Look, if you walk all those blocks, I'll sing your One Republic—"

"Direction."

"—songs with you," she added grudgingly.

"YES! Come along, Lucy!" Theo soon grabbed her arm and began dragging her along, leading a joyous cover version of 'One Thing.'

Why did Lulu do such a thing for him, you ask? Well, let's just say that, despite all they've been through, Theodore Bartholomew had become a rather close…acquaintance to her. No matter how much she'd deny it or hurt you, the girl really did care about the boy's feelings.

But if you EVER told anyone, she might just have to kill you.


End file.
